The Man in the Iron Mask (or woman) ;-)

I finished my second radiation treatment today! (8 more to go) Everyone has been asking me exactly what is involved so I googled some images to give you a better idea. Radiation is very different for the different types of cancer. Mine involved having the special face mask made for me which you can see a sample attached below. You can tell how closely it is strapped down to your face and upper body - so much so it left the marks on my face today. (the type of marks you get when you put your head down on your arm on your desk at work on a sleep winter afternoon and wake up 5 minutes later with lines on your head...haha but also YIKES.)

Basically you go in and they strap you down to the table and then disappear leaving you with some top 40 music as the radiation machine does it job. This takes about 10 minutes. Today at one point the music went out and I lay there in complete silence wondering what was going on. This brought on some anxiousness as my mind started to wonder and I of course started envisioning all kinds of kaos. I've always had a create, active imagination - great when you need to be creative ... BAD BAD BAD when you lie there strapped in with no way of getting out. You start to think of things like .. oh I don't know THE EARTHQUAKE AND TORNADO yesterday. You think ummm I wonder what would happened if there was an earthquake and I couldn't get unstrapped from that crazy radiation contraption. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.....(yelling through the mask doesn't do much good b/c you can't even hardly move your mouth.... so its more like ahhhhh....lol.) So there I am lying there getting super anxious when the radiation technologist (such a fancy name for someone basically frying my neck) comes back in. Phewwwww. I ask her very nicely through my 'man in the iron mask' to please turn that bad top 40 back up so my mind stops thinking about potential natural disasters and what it must of been like for the man in the iron mask. lol

Today went much quicker then yesterday thank goodness.....2 down and 8 to go!!! I'm almost there folks.

B xx

Bucket List

(Ankor Wat - Siem Riep, Cambodia)

Bucket List 2010

• Take one course or semester abroad
• Obtain my Masters in Psychology
• Run 5K for cancer
• Continue volunteering with women and children's services
• Learn how to tango in Buenos Aries
• Open my own holistic counselling practice one day
• Take a photography course (or two)

• Spend more time with my family and adorable nieces
• Dance on the beach and watch the sun come up many, many more times in my long life
• Travel to Portugal next summer with Susie :-) .... and then continue on to Greece, Italy, UK and Spain *sigh*
• Expand my culinary palate and take some cooking classes
• Spend more time enjoying life and less time trying to figure how to enjoy it (haha)
• Find something everyday to be thankful and blessed for
• Return to Cambodia and visit kids in rural villages
• Find love again where ever that might be (and be open to it when it arrives and not scared) ;-)
• Enjoy the small simple things and let go of the negative things and energy that bog me down
• Climb Machu Picchu in Peru
• Get over my fear of being under water and spend more time in the ocean snorkeling (Belize, Australia Coral Reaf)
• Expand my involvement in humanitarian issues
• Drink wine, eat pasta and float down the rivers in Venice, Italy (hopefully with a handsome guy next to me)
• Learn a second or third language (probably French and Spanish)
• Go on a vacation with my folks (Hawaii maybe)
• Visit my dear friend Genevieve in Australia - this ones long, long overdue
• Take more risks, take a leap of faith, jump in blindfolded and just let go of all the things that do not add to my life

That's my list for now....I see lots of it involves travel which seems to be my passion. Seeing the world and all the differences and beauty in it expands my depth as a person. I can't wait to keep exploring and discovering it.

Here are a few pictures from my travels!!

(Street full of lanterns in Hanoi, Vietnam)

(Full Moon Sign on Kho Phangan, Thailand)

(Beautiful view on beach on Caye Caulker, Belize)

(Very cool bridge linking two sides of small town Hoi An, Vietnam)

(Market in Sihoukville, Cambodia - Beach town)

Caution - Radiation Area

June 22, 2010

Radiation starts tomorrow! Now they tell me that this will be a walk in the park compared to Chemotherapy so I'm hoping they are right. I only have to do ten sessions which is quite a bit less then expected. The dose is a lot lower then normal as well so this should mean that I have fewer side effects. My radiologist however kindly pointed out that so far I haven't been the poster child for side effects and so I should expect to be hit harder then usual. (most excellent .... grrrrrrrr) As my radiation is going to be on the my tonsil and one lymph node I should expect a soar throat and fatigue.

I went in last week for my 'radiation planning session' .. yes that is what they call it like its something exciting you just can't wait to plan for. I really wasn't sure what to expect as usual. I had my compadre Jeff with me though so that was some good back up. They take you in a room and basically you lie in a bed that goes through a machine that is like a CT Scan without hooking any IV or anything up to you. (thank goodness b/c needles and IVs and blood tests are really get old) I think I had the Motley Crew working on me that day b/c they didn't seem to quite know what they were doing which of course did not instill much confidence in me. They make a face mask especially fit to your face. Doesn't sound to bad now does it and actually how nice of them to make a face mask just for me. Hmmmmm I take it back...it sucked. They take out this rubbery material from hot water and mold it around your face (it is full of holes so you can still breath but barely) They pull it down around your face and then strap it to the table. Woweeeee. Now the day they did this I was still dealing with bad nausea from my last round of chemo and all I could smell was hot, yucky rubber. YACK!!!!!!! On top of that I am slightly claustrophobic and had to constantly talk myself through the fact I was breathing through small holes and had to keep my eyes closed. MMMM hmmmmmm daadddadadada what to think about, what to think about so I don't panic. Okay I'll admit it I thought about everything from my various travels to my ex boyfriends rippling muscles. (haha) Now he'll probably read this and get an inflated ego but its the truth the weirdest things pop into your head in those type of circumstances and I say whatever gets you through - go with it!!! Thank goodness for nice ripply tattooed boys. So I start that tomorrow and it will last for ten sessions so approximately two weeks and then I'm DONE....YIPEE!!!!!! Following that I have to redoe all my scans and make sure I'm all clear and then its just check-ups for the next five years and fingers crossed to relapses.

I've managed to get out a little bit the past couple of weeks but tire out pretty quickly. I think the fatigue will probably follow me for some time to come but I have started back on my holistic course and that will help me get back to normal faster. I also managed to have a massage last week which I have to say was 'fantabulous'.

July 17 we are having a celebration party for being done all the chemo and radiation....yipee!!! A nice chill fun night at Lola with all my favourite people that have surrounded me with there support, love and good vibes this past 8 months. More details to come on that soon.

Wish me luck tomorrow.........and I'll write again soon.

B

Bye Bye Chemo!!!!

First of all - CHEERS TO BEING DONE CHEMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIPEEE~

That all being said I've been having total writers block this past two weeks. I'm not totally sure why but I think maybe I have a true case of 'chemo brain' that's set in and I can't shake it. GRRR. I start to write a blog and then go blank even though I know there is lots I could have written about this past few weeks. Hmmmmm doh!!!

I guess the biggest news is I finished chemo. My folks flew out to spend ten days with me and went with me for the last treatment and then took care of me for the next week. It was so great to have them around and made me truly appreciate having them right there by my side. I'd really been missing having my immediate family around while I was going through all of this. Everyone has been totally amazing but nothing can really replace your folks or brothers, nieces etc. I've been strong and positive through out this experience but I've had moments of feeling alone and down without my family....that is why it was soo great to have mom and dad here. The night of chemo I was extremely sick - more then the first two times and found my way to the good ol' loo quite a few times to visit the porcelain gods. :-( The next ten days were pretty rough with awful nausea, lack of appetite, bad metallic taste in mouth, shakes etc. I slowly immersed from the dark clouds and have been slowly getting back to normal. Now I'm just really tired and spent the past three days mostly resting.

While the folks were here we had our daily routine - they got up early and made there way to various coffee spots for there morning java and breakfast. I slept! They would come back around noon and I'd slowly get myself together and we'd try to get out of the house for a few hours. I knew they would need a project while there were here (other then taking care of me) so I saved my yucky patio for when they came. They loved it. We managed to visit some nurseries and greenhouses to get some patio flowers and plants. I usually only last a couple of hours and had to return home to rest. The bonus is that my patio looks very cute now and very cozy for me to be able to spend sometime out there reading and recouping this next month.

Mom and dad left last Monday - so a week ago today. Unfortunately that day was one of the sickest I've had and was unable to take them to the airport. Now that's how you know I'm sick if I don't take my folks to the airport. Going to the airport in Edmonton is always this big family ordeal - always has been. They don't send people to the airport in cabs or tell people to grab the bus or subway. It just doesn't happen and they would look at you totally weird if it did. HaHa. Mom and dad have always enjoyed coming the airport to pick me up because they would people watch and daydream about all the exotic places they wanted to visit one day. In reality they have been to busy raising there family of 4 to actually make it to any of those exotic places yet. Maybe this will be the year as they celebrate there 45th Anniversary this October. They truly are the poster children for a great marriage and my brothers and me always joke how they set the bar really high. I'm so blessed to have them as role models when it comes to love and when I start to lose my faith sometimes in that regard, I think of them and its renewed.

Here's a picture of my cute mom and dad - Here's to them for all of the sacrifices they have made over the years for us kids, for those around them and for each other. I love you guys!!

More blogs to come soon.......