Am I More Then My Hair ....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-CPCs7vVz6s&feature=fvsr

(Erykah Badu .. strong, beautiful sister that always rocks the best head pieces and hair.... luv her)

'Moment of honesty' is how I felt when it came to shaving my melon this week. Its taken me a few days to come to terms with my latest 'side effect' of chemo. Actually what I should say is that its taken me a few days to fully be open to sharing a picture of me with my new buzz cut.

In this past few days I've wrestled with the idea of not showing anyone except my close friends and then just dawning my various wigs. Then it hit me that if I don't accept this part of me now and boldly show off my new Demi Moore look - I will be going against everything I've ever believed in when it comes to beauty. Beauty is deep within us and only shines through in our outer layers. I've always believed this and yet as most woman I've myself struggled with this over the years. My own perception of myself is something I've had to work very hard at to get me to where I am today.

I'm glad I've taken the time to get to know myself, be comfortable with me and accept all my beauty and faults over the years. I do not beat myself up on a daily basis anymore about weight or bad hair days or stupid things that trust me make no difference at the end of our lives. I have learned to live a healthy lifestyle and make good choices (mostly ;-) when it comes to diet and exercise. I've accepted myself and taught myself to cherish all the things about me, that make me unique. This all comes in handy when you are forced to one day shave your head due to circumstances beyond your control.

Being a strong, independent, courageous woman helps us through many difficult stages in life as it did this week for me. Its funny that losing your hair during chemo would prove to be one of the more difficult parts for many. I'll be honest part of it is vanity but the much bigger aspect is that you are now reminded every time you look in the mirror you have cancer!! There is no getting away from that. Every time you look in the mirror you know that you have been sick and you are battling something. BUT you are almost reminded every time you look in that big, bad looking glass that you are strong, you are a survivor, you have amazing strength and you are beautiful with or without hair. For those who have been through this - pat yourself on the back or like I do - give yourself a big ol' high five. (or as my friends 'lil guy says high pibe..haha)!

Lastly I want to say I couldn't have gotten through Monday without one of my good friends being there to actually do the act of shaving my head for me. Thanks Wayner!! Its in times like these when we are surrounded by amazing people that we feel so blessed. We managed to even have a couple laughs through my tears as he shaved the old Bgirl away and made room for the new, improved, bad ass, tough B-GIRL. GRRRRRRRR .....

All that being said I'm still going to wear wigs haha.......cuz I just love my long locks to much and well this is my time to have fun with various styles and colours! Be prepared for Blonde Brandi to make an appearance at some point again. ;-)

To all the lovely ladies out there who have walked this path before me, thank you for your encouraging words. For those who may have to walk this path in the future - know many of us have done it before you and we are cheering you on. Remember you are strong, beautiful, amazing ladies and your hair does not, nor will it ever define you. Beauty will always shine through no matter what covers or doesn't cover your head. :-)

Feel free to share my blog with friends. I've become so aware of how others experiences can truly affect other peoples lives. I've learned so much through other friends experiences with cancer and also strangers blogs etc. Pass it on as you just never know who might be touched or encouraged by anothers story.

My first hot lid....

Bgirl xx