CANCER!! There are a million things that run through your head when you are told this and suprisingly at the same time your mind kinda just goes blank. It's so true that you stop listening after the doctor says something like that. Its like the room starts zooming in and out and you feel like you are in the twilight zone. My first reaction was 'repita por favour', 'excuse me', 'HUH'!! (insert raised eyebrow here). My mom was with me in the room and she also just looked shell shocked, altho I was really trying not to look at her. She held her own in that room though and I was really proud of her. We both wanted to tear up but for some reason we didn't. (naturally that did come later) I was so stunned by the news that I barely asked the doctor any questions and he barely told me anything. He said being an ENT he wasn't well versed in the different types of Lymphom and it was best left to the oncologist to fill me in. What he would say though was that it was a type of cancer that was very treatable and curable as well. Well hallaluja - I've got the good kind of cancer - NOT!!! My next question was how long was I going to have to wait to here my fate from the oncologist, which he couldn't say but a few weeks probably?!?! Oh okay no problem just a few more weeks - WHAT, errm, stop, back up .. a fewww weeks. (bad words come to mind in that situation but sitting next to my mother I had to hold my tongue and use words like - oh gosh, darn, yikes - when what I was really thinking was sh*tballz, f***k and I'm toast). That was it, within a matter of 3 minutes I found out my tonsil healed beautifully but that it was filled with nasty fast growing cancer cells. Excellent!! (note large amount of sarcasm here)Dr. Lee then walked us over to his assistant to make the rest of the appropriate appointments and get further information. We sat with his secretary (very cool lady named Bernadette)! She gave me some really solid advice that day that I've stuck with since I walked out her door. She said to me 'Brandi, allow yourself 5 minutes a day for a pitty party then pick yourself up and keep going with a smile.' I thought to myself - 'huh, easy for you to say!' Then she got up out of her chair and I instantly knew her advice was based on personal experience. She looked like perhaps she had polio or something as she had quite a difficult time walking. The thing was that she really gave'er when she was running around that office. She didn't let her disability get in the way at all. She was my inspiration that first day to keep going, never give up and try to keep a smile on my face as much as possible while doing so. I try to see the light at the end of the tunnel (like my picture for today's post that was taken in Vietnam last year. It was taken in a cave with the light shining down). *sigh* (sidebar - most of the pictures I am posting are ones I've taken at some point in my travels)
So that was it! I walked into St. Mikes expecting a clean bill of health and walked out a cancer patient. (5 minutes for today is up - next..)
No comments:
Post a Comment